I’m starting to feel a bit better. Better is the operative word. I’m not really feeling bright and shiny still. I think it’s a long way to go. But today is better than yesterday. Oh God, yesterday was like the trough. I so never want to go back to that.
I think I’ve sunk low enough (as I’ve mentioned in a previous post — LOW POINT!) that the only way to go is up. For the past few days, I was on a physical and emotional downward spiral –
- I feel so fatigued and so tired
- I don’t have the urge to get out of bed
- I want to sleep through the entire day
- I feel pure and utter loneliness
- I dont have my appetite completely. Even Jollibee chickenjoy and spaghetti failed me.
- I feel that nothing was going right. And that everything I am doing is so wrong. At work. At home. With Friends. I might have successfully pushed away some people. Hooray to me. NOT.
- I average a 3x a day crying spree
- I have a hard time concentrating at work
- I get stupid headaches
- I feel so sad it’s so pathetic.
- I have trouble sleeping.
- I get lower abdominal pains
- I get stomach cramps for whatever I eat. And yeah, I have ulcer. Hooray again to me.
- I have trouble swallowing food now. Ugh, maybe my throat is constricted or something.
And seriously, I have to get better. I felt that nothing was going right at all. I was told by a friend to: “magmukmok ka na all you want, but give yourself a deadline.”
I don’t want to give a real deadline… but I have certain steps in mind:
First step: I need to get my appetite back real soon.
I am missing fooood.
With food comes a lot of GLUCOSE! More energy, mas happy!
Second step: Get out of room.
Okay fine, I’m still recovering from illness. And it doesn’t take just one day to recuperate and to get better… but I will go back to my old social circles, maybe get a new routine, and do something worthwhile outside.
Third step: Surround self with people who love me
I just got to stop being so miserable. Period.
Fourth step: Plan. And always look ahead. No looking back.
Whatever mistakes I have made in the past weeks/months/years are just that — PAST. They have no reason to hinder me in whatever I can achieve and pursue for the next weeks/months/years. I will find my passion once again.
Fifth step: Take it easy.
I will not pressure myself into being okay and bright and shiny in just a day or two. I will accept that the road ahead is tough. And that I will still find myself down and defeated at times. I will still falter. I will still succumb to some bouts of loneliness and uncertainty. But I will not be hard on myself. I will never know the best approach to everything. But I will do my best. No matter what. Because I know I will be able to get out of it in one way or another.
And when that day comes again, when everything seems bleak and when I feel that I am feeling sad and depressed over things that are not worth the trouble — I will look back at this blog entry…
… and this video clip
